Dear Love
A reflection on reclaiming the love we all deserve. New here? Start with [Series Introduction]. More posts include [Dear Safety], [Dear Connection], [Dear Boundaries], and more.
Author’s Note: This letter is part of the “Dear Needs” series—7 reflective letters inspired by the 12 core emotional needs for healing by Tim Fletcher. These reflections explore common themes in trauma recovery, including neglect, abandonment, and emotional survival. Please read at your own pace, and return only when it feels safe to do so.
Real love offers rest,
not requirements.
It welcomes you,
just as you are.
Dear Love,
For many, you came with strings attached. You were something to earn—through compliance, silence, or performance. Some learned early that love could be withdrawn just as quickly as it was offered. Others were taught that love meant self-erasure.
In healing, love begins to shift. It becomes less about proving and more about presence. It softens. It stays.
Real love doesn’t need you to disappear.
The invitation now is to receive love—not as a reward or a transaction of your worth, but as a birthright.
Clinical Insight
Healing isn’t always clear at first. Sometimes it moves like color—soft, layered, and unfinished.
Love and nurturing are foundational human needs. When consistent, they promote secure attachment in children and internal safety. But for many with trauma histories, love was inconsistent, manipulative, transactional, or absent. This can lead to patterns of people-pleasing, emotional withdrawal, anxiety, hypervigilance, or feeling unworthy of care.
Trauma rewires our relationship to love: it can make closeness feel dangerous and rejection feel inevitable. Healing involves not only re-learning how to give love, but also how to receive it—without shame or self-abandonment.
Inward Invitation
Explore these questions in your Dear Love Journal Companion.
Here are a few questions to sit with in your own time, or explore in your journal companion:
• What did love look like in the environments I grew up in?
• Was it safe? Was it earned? Was it missing?
• What does love feel like now—and what am I still unlearning?
Even in the depths,
love finds a way
to move, pulse, and rise.
Helpful Resources/References:
In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts – Gabor Maté (Penguin Random House)
The 12 Essential Needs for Healing from Complex Trauma – Tim Fletcher, RE/ACT Program
Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Penguin Books
Want to keep exploring?
This is part of the ongoing Dear Needs series. New posts and journal companions will be added regularly. Be sure to check back or bookmark the [Series Introduction] for updates.
Next in the series [Dear Safety].
Ready to talk? / ¿Lista(o) para hablar?
English:
• Trauma-informed, integrated psychiatric care
• Non-controlled medication management
• For adults, teens, and children ages 6+
Español:
• Atención psiquiátrica integrada y con enfoque en trauma
• Manejo de medicamentos no controlados
• Para adultos, adolescentes y niños a partir de los 6 años
*This blog is for educational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice or establish a provider–client relationship.*
*Este blog es solo para fines educativos y no constituye asesoramiento médico ni establece una relación proveedor–paciente.*